Compromising Positions

A sex ed blog with more

How To Choose Your First Sex Toy

I met Kara Sutra at Catalyst Con, so asked this wonderful toy reviewer to write this post. She’s clever, entertaining, and totally rad. Find Sex Ed 102 here:

Picking your first toy can be an extremely overwhelming, intimidating, and scary experience. From rotating bunnies to glass butt plugs, and everything in between, the market is flooded with options all designed to bring you pleasure, so how do you know which one is the right one for you?

Fortunately I’ve crafted up a quick beginners guide that might just help you find something you’ll love.

Things to Keep In Mind

  • If you’re new to sexual exploration and/or don’t know your body very well, you might want to take some time to learn about your anatomy, as well as your personal likes and dislikes. Sure, you could buy that cute little vibrator, but it probably won’t be that great unless you know what you like and what parts you’re trying to stimulate.
  • Products that require batteries can be a major pain… especially when they die right before you climax. They’re also costly (over time), not that great for the environment, and can kill your product if they corrode inside the battery compartment. Rechargeable eco-friendly toys are often a tad more expensive but worth it in the long run. Do yourself the favour and shell out the extra cash.
  • Depending on where you live and whom you live with, you may need to choose something that’s discreet.  If that’s the case items like personal massagers would be a good choice since they aren’t phallic and can be left out in the open without fear of being discovered.  Although they are only good for external use, you can buy attachments that fit over the head for internal stimulation.
  • If it’s a gift for someone keep in mind that sex toys are a very personal thing. Some questions you might want to ask yourself before shopping: are they comfortable with toys, open to experimentation, have used them before and whether or not they have any specific likes in terms of colour, shape or design. Any little personal details you can add will more often than not make a world of difference for the receiver.
  •  For most people, spending over $50 on a toy seems a little unreasonable but keep in mind that like many other industries, many sex toy manufacturers focus on creating high volume, lower priced products which unfortunately leads to poor quality, both in regard to the lifespan of the toy and the havoc it can create for your body. Personally, I believe it’s in your best interest to buy the highest quality adult toys you can afford, however I know that sometimes just isn’t an option. Fortunately there are lots of sex toys for around $20 that are pretty decent (the Pocket Rocket being one of them).
  • Once you’ve got an idea of what you want, look online for reviews to see if the product is good… or not. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve saved myself from buying something crappy thanks to an honest review.
  •  Finally, pay attention to the materials. Unfortunately the sex toy industry isn’t regulated, allowing a plethora of crappy (read: potentially dangerous) sex toys to make their way into your bedroom drawers. When choosing a toy make sure to choose something made of 100% medical grade silicone (not a mixture), glass, ceramic, finished wood, metal, ABS plastic, and/or Thermoplastic Rubber (though I’d only opt for it as a last resort).

Steps for Buying Sex Toys

Know Your Options

A tried and true traditional style vibrator can be good, helping you achieve an orgasm by yourself or with a partner; just keep in mind that many of them usually don’t offer a variety of settings, instead being rather basic. Aside from that they don’t offer much by way of G-spot stimulation since they have a straight shaft with minimal textures. Of course you could very easily hold it against the clitoris for clitoral stimulation, though with all the other amazing products specifically designed for that purpose it seems like a bit of a waste.

First Time dildo

On that note, if you like the feeling of vibrations on your clitoris you might want to look at a bullet or vibrating egg, a vibrator designed to be worn or a “pocket rocket”. Most of these will be smaller in design than a product that’s meant to be inserted and usually come in a variety of vibration options. On top of being easy to use they’re discreet, not very intimidating, affordable (many are available for under $20) and travel rather well.

First Time Bullet or Egg Vibe

If you enjoy penetration or the feeling of having something inside of you a dildo might be a good choice. Some have lovely curved bodies for G-Spot stimulation, while others offer a very girthy shaft for those who like a ‘fuller’ feeling. If you want a dildo that provides various sensory options like a cool or warm effect, a glass dildo might be a good choice.

First Time Traditional Vibe

When it comes to the guys looking to last longer or even have stronger orgasms and/or ejaculations there’s quite a few decent cock rings on the market to choose from. Maybe you’ve always wanted to add a little extra girth or length to your penis, if so an extension or penis sleeve could help. If prostate stimulation is more your thing a product specifically designed for p-spot play would be better suited to your needs.



What do you want it to do?

When making this decision you want to think about the type of stimulation you want: light and indirect, moderate and direct, deep and rumbly, surface level buzzy, heavy and deeply penetrating etc.

For some, the clitoris is a very sensitive body part that becomes uncomfortable when deeply penetrating vibrations are applied to, if so you’d definitely want to skip the Hitachi Magic Wand and instead look at the Eroscillator (it’s far gentler yet highly coveted).

Perhaps you’re easily bored by a steady vibration and instead need a variety of options that include pulsations, escalations, thrusting action or independent controls allowing you to stimulate different areas in different ways simultaneously (if so, there’s many dual vibes/rabbit vibes that will offer the control you’d like).

On that note, you also might want to also think about whether you want a product with a lot of buttons, something that’s operated by one button, has an easy off function (turns off with one quick press) or has a dial to adjust the speeds/settings. Very often this is something that’s overlooked until you’re spread eagle on the bed, product inserted, only to realize that operating it is far from comfortable or easy.

If vibrations aren’t your thing, and you find that you like various types of pressure on the g-spot, a sex toy that rotates or offers internal beads might be more your style. When it comes to the variety of sensations different textures can offer there’s a lot to choose from be it rippled, studded, ribbed, swirly, or smooth.

When it comes to size, the best suggestion I can give is to be realistic; if having a finger inserted hurts, it’s best to opt for something on the smaller side, then when you’re comfortable and ready to move to something larger you’ll be able to do so with a minimal amount of discomfort.

Toys For The ‘Male’ Bodied

Unfortunately, Men have traditionally been “left out” when it comes to sex toys, but this seems to be changing. Of course, penis pumps and cock rings have been available for quite some time, but that was about it. Thankfully with an increase in demand, a curiosity of their own and amazing toys like the Fleshlight being made Men can enjoy sleeves (to enhance masturbation), oral sex simulators (designed to mimic blowjobs), ticklers (which slip over the penis to potentially heighten pleasure for the user and their partner), pocket versions (usually much cheaper than Fleshlights), and blow up dolls (because having sex with a bouncy castle is harder than it seems).


Here’s where you get to have some fun and let your imagination go wild. Do you want a product that’s baby blue, has a bunch of vibration settings and offers some great clitoral stimulation? Would you prefer a dildo in a dark shade of purple, made of high quality silicone that’s great for g-spot play? Metallic gold more your style? Perhaps the entire rainbow? No matter the colour or specifics there will likely be a product that matches perfectly.

When All Else Fails

At the end of the day I know how hard choosing a sex toy can be, especially when you really don’t know what you want. When it comes to those situations, I’ve got a solution: rather than forking out a bunch of cash for one specific item, opt to buy yourself a few at lower prices so that you can experiment and see what works for you. Then, once you know what you like, save up and splurge on a big ticket item that you know you’ll love.

Hopefully by following this list of suggestions you’ll not only be able to find a toy that’s right for you, but one that will last for years and offer many hours of enjoyment!


5 comments on “How To Choose Your First Sex Toy

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