A sex ed blog with more
I’m at a loss for how to start this post. Here’s why:
1) I am not a porn star, nor is it on the horizon … as far as I know
2) I don’t want to seem preachy or judgmental
I am all for adults expressing themselves in safe, consensual ways – including through pornography. Having watched a Netflix documentary entitled Life After Porn, I was surprised to learn various reasons and ways people get into porn. In this post, though, I am going to focus more on the viewer and less on those being viewed.
My partner recently told me of a couple of disconcerting things going on with boys and pornography. First, the death grip: when boys begin to masturbate and watch porn (or maybe it’s the other way around), and their hand cramps around their penis causing serious damage. Potentially, after years of masturbating with porn, some are unable to have sex with a person unless they’re watching porn. This leads to potential long-term damage as well as unrealistic and false ideas about sex, sexual tendencies, and preferences, particularly if their only knowledge of sex is through the sexual scandalized media images and porn.
Due to the proliferation of pornography, I take issue with a number of ideas that are put into our minds, and have thus made a list that hopefully doesn’t sound too preachy, biased, or one-sided. Let it be known that I watch and enjoy various types of porn, and have noticed and learned some things that worry me. This article explicitly shares exactly what I’m talking about, in terms of how pornography affects youth: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2432591/Experiment-convinced-online-porn-pernicious-threat-facing-children-today-By-ex-lads-mag-editor-MARTIN-DAUBNEY.html
So, here are some “truths” in pornography:
1) Vaginas are hairless. This is true for pre-pubescent girls and women who choose to remove their pubes. In pornography, lack of hair allows for better lighting and clearer visuals. Fun fact: Playboy used to show muffed up models but this changed around 1980. Note: not all women want to be clean-shaven; it is best not to expect it, though asking respectfully is okay.
2) Penises are huge, hairless, and stay hard for hours. Truth be told, they come in all shapes, sizes and are often hairy, too. Porn performers can take breaks and often use performance enhancers of various kinds so as to last for hours. Some men are able to stay hard for a very long time while others cannot. Both can be natural.
3) Physical contact elicits immediate noises of pleasure. It would seem that women have been programmed to be far more vocal than men. Many porn clips have women oohing, aahing, and gasping with pleasure within mere seconds. Heads up: we all respond differently, and one isn’t more right than any other; some are super loud while others are silent, some arch their backs, some squirt, some curl their toes, some need to bite – the list goes on and on. If you’re not sure how your partner is feeling about something, ask! ‘How do I know you’re enjoying yourself?’ ‘What noises do you make, if any?’ ‘Do you twitch?’ ‘Do you want it rough?’ etc.
4) Every woman likes cum on her face. Some women enjoy it; others don’t. Ask before going for it, as it can be a very nasty surprise and throw everything off.
5) All women wear fake nails, especially lesbians. One way to tell that porn is made for straight dudes is if the lady/ladies have fake nails. Fake nails hurt vaginas. This isn’t always true, of course, but it’s a good rule of thumb. Speaking of, check out this hilarious 2.5 minute video: Lesbians watch lesbian porn
6) Women always wear full makeup for sex. Some choose to be made up to the 9s while others choose to use none. There’s a whole spectrum, but porn always shows full makeup. Why? They’re making a movie.
7) Every woman loves giving blow jobs. While some women do, others don’t. Those who seem to enjoy giving them appreciate the power and control it elicits. Pro tip: if a woman doesn’t enjoy it, don’t ask for it. She will likely do her best to please her partner in other ways, and will sometimes go down out of her own volition. She is less likely if there is begging, as that can cause her to feel pressured.
8) Safe sex isn’t important. The awkward questions are never posed (when was the last time you were tested? Do you have birth control with you? Etc.). I applaud Tristan Taormino for attempting to dispel some of these issues. The most recent development being that condoms must be worn in all movies she produces.
I am on a hunt for porn made by a woman for women. I will be looking into Tristan Taormino’s, but I’m hoping for other suggestions. Any tips?