Compromising Positions

A sex ed blog with more

Rape Culture

Women in their mid-twenties in North America take a lot for granted. While discussing this with some friends while on the East Coast, we came to the following conclusions:
1)    We live in a society of rape culture. Take Steubenville in the US and Halifax in Canada as prime examples: girl gets raped; community talks about how it will negatively affect the rapists, and shames the girl. In Halifax, she killed herself.
2)    It was way easier being a kid and teenager when we were going through it 10-15 years ago.
3)    Girls need to be taught how to avoid making dumb decisions and be more aware of their surroundings.
4)    Boys need to be taught the exact same thing.
5)    Both need to be taught to respect everyone.
A lot of women my age and younger take our status and power for granted. We have no idea what it means to fight for the right to vote, to be considered incompetent humans, to have our time severely restricted.. We are incredibly fortunate to live in a place and time where/when it’s okay for women to be loud, aggressive, provocative, and vocal. We still have some battles to face, for sure, but it seems like we have numerous ways to do so and a tonne of support. Let’s be aware of our bodies and minds, and what others had to go through so that we could be  free. Let’s also remember that even though we can be loud, aggressive, and provocative, it doesn’t mean we always need to be. We learn from a very early age that we can use our bodies to get what we want. I suggest we learn how to use our brains and words so we don’t have to rely on our tits and ass. Check out this stellar article/rant: http://www.laughmom.com/2013/03/i-am-so-fucking-sick-of-teaching-our-daughters-not-to-get-raped/
Many of us haven’t got a clue how to deal with situations in which we’re uncomfortable, feel unsafe or when we feel like we can’t get out of them. I’d like to think my instincts and/or adrenaline would kick in when I need them to, but I should probably learn how to defend myself in the unlikely event that I’ll need to use them. I should also note that I come from a place of privilege, and am superbly aware of all of the opportunities that have been afforded me because of this. In many regards, writing this blog and talking about sex as freely and openly as I can is largely in part because I am a woman in North America.
While many of us feel totally liberated, capable and able, we are also painfully aware of gender double standards. Welcome to rape culture. Let’s look at Steubenville and Halifax. I am going to briefly touch on a few things even though I am well aware that there are a TONNE of deep-rooted issues going on. So…
1)    Perpetrators of rape are victims. Dis quoi?! Rape is a choice and rapists must face the consequences of this choice, whatever they may be. If they’re dumb enough to completely mess up their whole lives, so be it. I have no sympathy for rapists.
2)    Being a cognizant bystander is just as bad as being a perpetrator.
3)    Consent = yes. ‘Maybe’, ‘I don’t know’, and  ‘hey she’s unconscious!’ are not ‘yes please!’ .
4)    Everything on the internet is traceable/findable, even if you think you’ve covered your tracks.
5)    People talk. How dare we shame someone who has endured a trauma. Shame the rapist, not the victim.
6)    Raping doesn’t make you cool.
7)    Having sex doesn’t make you cool.
8)    On being cool: find people you have a good time and feel safe with. If you think they’re cool, and they think you’re cool, bam shazam .You’re cool.
Those of us who are new adults now have the responsibility to teach respect to everyone who is growing up in this digital age. I see female baby boomers who dumb themselves down to appease their patriarchal mates. To be honest, I find it infuriating, and it begs a number of questions I’m not going to get into. Let’s not be them.
Respect, communicate and responsibility: these are what we need to focus on and figure out, together, for all our sakes! Let’s teach tolerance, respect, tact, and honesty.

So AR Wear has come up with anti-rape underwear. Here’s why that’s a problem, and the comments are pretty great, too: http://thinkprogress.org/health/2013/11/05/2889411/anti-rape-underwear-sexual-assault/

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5 comments on “Rape Culture

  1. Pingback: “Rape culture” – Our feminists are part of it | Ekalavya

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    November 25, 2013

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This entry was posted on August 28, 2013 by in Uncategorized and tagged , , , .
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