Compromising Positions

A sex ed blog with more

The Transition from Single to Relationship

I am in a relatively new relationship, and am struggling to come to terms with what I feel is a significant personality juxtaposition between Single Me and Relationship Me. It’s not so much that one is better than the other, simply that there is quite a difference and I’m working it out. Most importantly, I just saw a TED talk that discussed how our 20s are the last time our brain rewires itself; so if we want to make any significant changes (like getting active, for example), now is the time to do it. So here are some differences I’ve noticed:

Single Me

Relationship Me

  • Drinks often
  • Goes out often
  • Tries new things alone
  • Has a “crackling sexual energy” (according to friends)
  • Has a vivid sex drive
  • Wants sex and cuddles
  • Goals/priorities: sex, stories, travel, friends, laughter
  • Drinks little
  • Stays in often
  • Tries new things with partner
  • Has no visible sexual energy
  • Has a vivid sex drive
  • Wants love and cuddles
  • Goals/priorities: love, stability, travel, comfort, family, friends, laughter

Maybe that’s the main thing: the priorities change. My attitude and outlook and willingness to adventure all shift; I still want to explore, have a good time and share fantastic stories, but it’s different. I’m different. I would rather do not things on my own, and I’m more interested in getting myself settled. I’m having a hard time coming to grips with this priority shift… I think I’m growing up, and the kid in me doesn’t like it (she says as she stomps her foot)!
How do I reconcile my behaviour? Do I need to? Perhaps recognition is enough, and ensuring that we each continue to have our separate lives as well as a life together. This leads me to question: must we always change when entering relationships? Is this change positive or negative? Does it need to be either?
Some people struggle with the transition, as I have, while others are really terrible at being single (or really good at jumping from relationship to relationship). Some refer to this jumping as serial monogamy, though not all who jump are monogamous. [More on non-monogamy in a post to come]
A healthy relationship involves compromise, not necessarily sacrifice. We shouldn’t need to change to please our partners; any changes should be of our own volition, because we want to. Entering into a relationship wanting to change the other person does not work, nor does putting an expiration date on the relationship. Healthy relationships take a lot of work. Being in love is fantastic; the only part that sucks is heartbreak, and hopefully we only need to deal with it a few times.

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2 comments on “The Transition from Single to Relationship

  1. Chris Miller
    August 14, 2013

    😀

  2. Pamela Cruz
    August 19, 2013

    I like it 🙂 I think I’m in the same transition right now… It’s scary but I think it’s worth a try

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This entry was posted on August 14, 2013 by in Uncategorized and tagged , , , .
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