Compromising Positions

A sex ed blog with more

Long Distance Relationships

We all know and have heard that long distance sucks, yet many of us subject ourselves to the hardship, trails and tribulations. Having been in 3 serious relationships that started out long distance, I have learned a few important lessons and tricks.

1)   The honeymoon phase lasts ~ 6 months. Everything is new and exciting; there’s all kinds of daydreaming, planning for the next visit, and thanks to technology, texting the mundane details of everyday life to the only kind of person actually interested: one who is smitten.

2)   Texting mundane details (aka all day, every day) needs to stop when you’re in the same city: you’re going to see each other often (in theory), so save all of the interesting talk for then. Otherwise, you’re likely to run out of things to talk about.

3)   Long distance will only work if there is an end in sight, and that may mean changing plans of “compromising.” In my experience, these kinds of changes are worthwhile and exciting. Heck, I chose to travel for 6 months instead of a year, and I’ll let you know this time next year if it was worth it. I’m betting it will be.

4)   Long distance dates can be tricky. Here are a couple I’m fond of:

  1. Movies: pick one, get on Skype, start it at the same time and discuss. Getting to see the joy, laughter, sadness, etc. on a partner’s face increases the connection and gives you something to do besides go over what happened during your days.
  2. Books: make a list of books you both want to read. Pick one and start. Discuss at various points. Audio books are also an option if it’s tricky to find time to read, or you’re not all that into reading.
  3. Games: thanks to social media, we can play a ton of games with each other. My fave is Scrabble, but there are lots of options. It’s great to play games while on Skype, cause it’s something we would do when we’re together anyway. Question games are also great: ask a question, you both answer, partner asks. You can learn a lot and it doesn’t have to be face to face. Omgpop.com is a sah-weet website for games.
  4. Sexting: super powerful, exhilarating, exciting (in more ways than one). You can learn and explore sexual fantasies, and maybe even work up to nude pictures or cyber sex.
  5. Daydream/fantasize: this entails sexual and non. Discussing things you love and/or look forward to is both important and fun. With my current partner, we’ve dreamed up an epic tree house. Why? Cause we felt like it and it was a lot of fun. Next time we’re together, we’re going to design it. For reals. Do we have a house? Nope. Kids? Hell no. But how much fun would a tree house with a trap door, skylight, and zip line be? Yeah. Exactly.

Moral of the story: use all of the technology at your disposal.

5)   Sending photos back and forth allows for a sense of closeness, like the person is there with you. Chances are, if you’re in a committed, monogamous relationship, sending one picture each day will make the receiver feel incredibly special, and let them know the sender is thinking of them.

6)   Skype, or some other video chat: particularly when one has had a bad day and needs support, face to face interaction is key. Free face to face is even better. Even if it’s just a few minutes, a few times/week. For me, being able to see my partner’s face while we’re busy or working is such a comfort and relief. We occasionally don’t use sound so that we can get stuff done. It’s good prep for when we’re around each other all the time: we don’t always need to speak. Making time for each other is vital to making your long distance relationship work.

7)   Compromise. Long distance is a relationship. Just like a non-long distance relationship, making decisions with our partners in mind is necessary for a healthy relationship to last. This does not mean we need to compromise our values or goals, simply that we all need to be aware of how our choices affect our partners.

If you are currently in or considering a long distance relationship, take heed. Go for it, but know that it’s a bumpy ride, and some of these tricks may help you out.

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This entry was posted on June 20, 2013 by in Uncategorized.
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