Compromising Positions

A sex ed blog with more

50 Shades of What?

I must admit that I was hooked, right from the beginning. I had to read all three books, to know everything that could possibly happen to this couple. I have used 50 Shades as a conversation topic countless times, even going so far as to use certain ideas in my own sex life.

50 Shades of Grey has given rare insight into a potential style of BDSM. The Dom/Sub relationship can take on many forms, which I will discuss in another blog post. What concerns me while reading 50 Shades is the widespread nature of such a novel. By that, I mean that I worry for the people who read this and take it as fact, with no further research, questioning, or discussion. Moreover, for the young people reading who may think that this kind of relationship is the ideal for everyone; that every woman should be Anastasia Steele and every man Christian Grey.

I very much appreciate that a new kind of sex novel is in the mainstream. For whatever reason, 50 Shades has captured the attention of millions. It’s a great thing that something other than missionary is discussed, and I’m sure that tons of fan fiction has come about. I would wager a large part of the allure is that while there are a lot of sex scenes, there is a fair amount of drama and a boatload of mushy feelings to keep the readers engaged. That said, there are a number of things that I am not okay with in this trilogy.

For starters, it shows that relationships are about changing who you are. Compromise, sure. Learn new things, yes! But hoping that the other person will change, and trying to make him or her do so, is unrealistic. We all change in relationships, but you can’t enter into a relationship expecting that you can change things about a person. Neither of them were whole people before they met? Barf. I understand that someone can complete a puzzle, as the final puzzle piece, but to think that we’re all broken before we meet someone we can marry? Ridiculous. Chances are we are going to meet a few people we can marry, and we may end up in a couple of marriages.

It bothers me so much that Christian can do anything and is forgiven, that love happens instantaneously, and that all women are insatiable (that’s the impression given). Spoiler alert: he bathes an insane ex, and it’s totally fine. He belts the hind right off Ana, and though she leaves, she returns within a week. After 6 weeks, they’re engaged. Sure, they go through a tonne of dramatic stuff, and they spend a lot of time trying to get to know each other… But they’re not very good at it, continually distracted from talking with sex. The beginning of a relationship is the ‘honeymoon’ period: everything is great, and you’re totally intoxicated by the other person. It’s after that chunk of time that you can figure out if it is actually reasonable. This plants a terrible seed in the minds of young readers.

Sex is used as a way to show love, anger, pain, as a way to manipulate, a distraction … I suppose it’s good that we see a number of facets to the emotional side of sex, but there are so few times, it seemed, when they had sex cause they were both just horny. There was always something bigger going on. Drama, drama, drama. Guess it shows that some couples thrive and survive only when there is drama. They stay together for longer due to dramatic events cause by one, both, or external forces.

Whenever we read things like 50 Shades, I strongly encourage everyone to keep in mind that it is fiction. Learn more. Explore. Dive in! ASK QUESTIONS!

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This entry was posted on June 20, 2013 by in Uncategorized and tagged , , .
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