A sex blog with more
I asked my good friend to write this, after attending Cliterature. Exciting!
I’ve been feeling less queer, certainly less visibly queer, since moving from Kingston to Waterloo. In Kingston, at university, I went from questioning my sexual orientation to embracing my pansexuality/queerness/fluidity. I came out over and over, to new friends and old friends (and somehow, I’m still not very good at it). There were people who I didn’t come out to, and there are still people who I haven’t told. But overall, I found safe spaces where I could be myself.
After moving to Waterloo with my male partner, I felt as though I’d lost that community, and lost my queer cred (I don’t have a member card or anything, I just felt less “legit”). Everyone who saw me and my partner together would just assume I’m straight, and I felt like my queerness was being questioned, or doubted. Being at Cliterature reminded me how it feels to know you belong, to own your desires, and to not have a damn thing to prove to anyone: Like what you like, bang who you bang, be who you be!
The stories that the women shared really spoke to me and went straight to my heart (and some stories touched a nerve a little further south, ifyouknowhatImean). For the first time in a while I felt like I was with my queer family again, even though I didn’t know more than 3 people in the auditorium. The stories celebrated all parts of my identity – the attraction I feel for men (cis and trans*), the attraction I feel for women (cis and trans*), my attraction to anyone who is funny and can drive stick (I’m a sucker for manual, I guess).
People will probably still read me as hetero, and express surprise when I share that I am queer, and ask me if I prefer one gender over the over (I’m not really tracking my attraction, though I am making a queer collage, a “queerlage,” with Julia, about what being queer means to me). But it’s not my responsibility to dismantle heteronormative assumptions and bias singlehandedly – Cliterature reminded me that I’m not alone. There are a bunch of people working to make safer spaces to celebrate sex, sexuality, pleasure, bodies, and identities.
I am so thrilled that we have Cliterature in our region in order to meet and mingle with like-minded people, to erase the taboos around sex, and to empower women to define and explore our sexualities on our terms.
I literally cannot wait until next year. Did I say literally? I meant cliterally.